So today I was listening to Christian radio, I haven't really done that since coming to school, and I was reminded of some of the things that really annoy me in music. I heard this overly happy and bubbly song by True Vibe, I hadn't heard it before but it sounded like all their others. What bothered me was the meaninglessness of it. Don't get me wrong, I do listen to some Christian music that is purely fun and light. It when people over simplify and portray a distorted version of the Christian life. The song basically sang about how happy they were since they started following Christ, and it then when on to talk about how wonderful their life was, all sunshine and twinkies. Besides not saying anything important, it gave the idea that you won't have any problems when you become a Christian. Maybe I'm strange but I've had plenty of trials in my life, and I'm not always bubbly. The difference is having hope. Grace through the trials and a hope in the life that is to come. My sister thinks every band should go to Bible school, I'm starting to agree with her.

Another thing (now that I'm ranting about music), I once again heard that song by Rebecca St. James, Wait for me. Before angry people start hitting me over the head, let me say I have nothing wrong with the song. It is the fact that half the songs written seem to be about things like this. It is a good thing to have a godly perspective when it comes to relationships, but too much of a good thing is bad. We seem to have gotten into some sort of an obsession. To be obsessed (general def.) with God is a good thing, but obsessing over his gifts can easily turn to sin. It is good to trust God and know He holds the future, but we can't get distracted by hopes for the future and forget the present job at hand. Personally there are some things that I don't think it is healthy to dwell on. Girls have a tendency to speculate and dream up every detail of the life they hope to have. I try not to, that is why when people ask me "silly" questions I often give short answers or won't answer at all. There are several problems to over daydreaming. First, people can't read minds. They won't say or do what you want, you can't make them live up to expectations they don't know about, this is bound to end in disappointment. Second it takes attention off God, only he is perfect, all else will fail. And most importantly, God is in control of all of our lives (thankfully). I guess what I'm trying to say is that when I make plans for my life it is hard for me to except that God's plans may be different. I want to live every moment ready to do His will, and it is hard to do this when all my thoughts are on what I expect. Now I have no idea how I got off on this tangent. Ahhh, Rebecca St. James. So yes, when every other song on the radio is some gushy future love song, it is hard to not dwell on it, and to keep focus on Christ. Also do we realize that not everyone gets married? I know we often think that since we are Christians God will give us what we think is the perfect ideal life. This isn't true, he knows what is best for us and this may include being a hermit in the desert eating cactus thorns. I thought about writing a song about being single for the rest of my life, but then I thought someone might shoot me. Anyway those are my thoughts on that.

One last thing relating to music. It bothers me how we grumble about how the world has strange views about the Bible then feed these views with theologically unsound songs, and careless words. So I've had this song from VBS stuck in my head for about a week. It goes something like this "Let's be friends like Jonathan and David, they show us how friendly friends can be...". So to a innocent churchgoer this seems fine. But when we realize that kids going to VBS may be fed from other sources that Jonathan and David were gay, the song may only strengthen this. A simple rewording could solve the problem.

Anyway, I really should go to bed and stop ranting...Trust me there is more...Have a good week...

Something light and fluffier

Here are some quotes gathered over the semester all made by Dr. Simons.

"go tell him to swing from the same tree as him"

"hollywood has bought sold and is the devil"

"kill him, how fast can we kill him is the only question I'm asking"

"I wasn't out playing frisbee which would have kept me at the level of a barking seal for the rest of my life"

"If you want to read 300 pages of bad sentences read the tax codes"

"they got over it, the dead people didn't"

"boiling my neighbors in oil, that is an amusement"

"you never know you're righteous until you know you are evil"

"sizzle sizzle"

"lets take the casualty list for today"

"you go ahead and convict me you rat, if you don't get me now I'll get you in heaven"

"you little jerk, I want to go bowling with your head"

"he couldn't aquire a mind when he was mindless"

"take notes of all the golden thoughts that pour out of my brain"

don't personify body parts "my brain told me I was dumb"

"God and the angels wouldn't use the word facilitate"

"you will be looking at a little imbecile who is completely in your image" -when speaking of childraising.

Reflections...

A week ago tonight I was sitting in my room hurriedly typing my personal improvement project paper. I often get caught up in the little things and my multiple failings and forget to look at the whole picture. Part of writing it was starting at the beginning and following the process of change over the whole semester. I was shocked, I had seen all my failing during the semester but not the changes they had brought with them. Things that seemed to have no connection to my project were changed. Its not that I doubt God's power to change me it is that bumbling idiot who seems determined to stubbornly resist God in all ways possible. If there is hope for me there is hope for everyone.

In a larger sense, it is more than just this semester. I had supper with one of my friends the other night and she asked to hear my testimony (something that used to strike terror in my heart), she was a detail person so I gave all the details. I was surprised, I had told myself that just because God had forgiven me that people couldn't, that God may be able to love me anyway but that if anyone truly knew my sins they never could. It is easy to know things but often hard to believe them, at least for me it is. As I sat there and poured out my life and my heart instead of being condemning she was just happy (couldn't think of a better word at the moment) at the amazing things God has done in my life. She found it encouraging that God can change people in drastic ways and wanted to know all about how he has changed me since then. God's forgiveness is such an amazing thing and it so beautiful when it is expressed through fellow believers. I just hope I can be show this same love and forgiveness to others.

My toes are fat, please don't feel ashamed telling me this. Someone pointed out to me tonight that they were chubby (like I didn't know already), we both knew that they really meant that my toes are fat. So if you want to say it please do, I got over being sensitive about it a long time ago.

Uncertainty- (is this the topic or am I merely uncertain about what to title it?)

As everyone around me went mad this year trying decide what to do with their lives I've thought a lot about the future. For a while I was a little stressed out about the terrible question "what do you want to do with your life?". Right now I'm content with not knowing, but I still think about it. After being at college for a year I am less sure than when I arrived. I know I want to write, but that is general. Yesterday I stumbled across these lines by Adrian Plass as I was reading one of my books, it is about writing (surprise, surprise) "In the process I began to learn ( and am still learning) that unless my writing and speaking is rooted in real relationship with God and Man, there simply isn't anything to communicate". This is obviously true, but in a larger sense (quoting from one of her favorite speeches again) I don't want to waste my life writing something meaningless while I could have done more. I know every job has a purpose and you don't have to part of some grandiose organization to make a difference, but I want to do the most I can with this little bit of life I have. So I go back and forth in my mind, fiction, nonfiction, fiction, nonfiction. I read something by one of my favorite authors about why they write fiction more than nonfiction, unfortunately when I was looking for again and I couldn't find it. But I didn't come across something else I liked " It's simple really. It makes me choke now. My search for truth and meaning has been so exhaustive that giving up the discovery (writing) or the sharing of what I've discovered (writing) would be subhuman for me. I write because I must write. I have paid a huge price to write. I've been richly blessed because I write."- Ted Dekker. I've always known what I want to do, I must write, I will write, I have to write, but the question is what?

New post coming soon...

as soon as my computer will stay on for more than a minute without shutting down.

Viva crackers and cheese, yes lots of cheese.

I had an interesting chat with one of my friends in the cafeteria the other day that had me thinking. Or more correctly we talked about something that I had been thinking about so my thoughts were solidified. We were talking about friendship and how they sometimes slide and other times end. I was wondering if this is often a with not having my friendships God centered. I'm not saying that I get into strange cult worship with my friends or anything. Its more that I often get the absurd notion that since my friends are Christians and I'm a Christian that it is enough. I keep realizing more and more that it isn't. Friendships that are build on superficial things don't last. When circumstances end they have nothing left hold them together. And most importantly it is a pure waste!! God has given me so many amazing opportunities to learn from my friends and about Him with my friends. I can't imagine what I ever thought I would miss? I think I'm just a wasteful person. I'm trying though. I don't just want this to be some one sided thing either. I'm not saying that I love my friends just because of something that I can get from them. Not at all, I'm sick of piddling around and wasting my time. I'm not saying that I have sworn never to smile (well I have made that irrational promise recently), or make a joke, but I just don't want friendships that are completely trivial and frivolous. A line from a book keeps passing through my head " In the scheme of things what does it matter", honestly in the light of eternity what will it matter?

The Train Keeps Going Faster

It seems that life just get busier and busier. Unfortunately just as some things like homework build up and get pushed over so often do my devotions. I try not to, but somehow it keeps happening, or I have a superficial quick read. I don't want this. I waste so much time during my day and somehow I end up at the end of the day wondering what I've accomplished and just dropping into bed to sleep. I'm trying to work on this. One of my profs said that you can tell how mature someone is by how hard they work and how they manage their time. On that scale I wouldn't fare all that well. I always get things done but I do everything at the last minute. If the time I spend shows my priorities, then they definitely aren't quite in the right order. I want the right things, but I need to transform this into actions. Intentions mean nothing when actions don't follow. So on that idea, I think I will depart and spend some needed time elsewhere.